There are only a few days left to
Rosh Hashanah and I am so unprepared, spiritually and otherwise, that it is
quite frightening. The only thing I have to hold on to is my computer document “Rosh
Hashanah Prep” in the folder “Yom Tov Notes”. As the years go by I am growing
in experience, if not in wisdom, and each year I commit new bits and pieces of
that experience to the eternity of Microsoft Word.
“Cooking MUST be started the day
BEFORE Erev Yom Tov” was a deeply felt urging one year that reeks of
desperation. “KEEP IN MIND to wear comfortable shoes” on Rosh Hashanah, because
the Amidah, the standing prayer, is awfully long, and hard enough to
concentrate on, without the agony of too tight, or too high-heeled shoes. One year
I even added a note not to wear long necklaces on Yom Kippur (costume jewelry
is my mainstay!), because they interfere with the beating fist of the Viduy,
the confession of our sins, when we strike our chest in
remorse.
There is a list of the people,
near and dear, who must get a phone call or an email, because near as they may be to my
heart, they live in foreign lands with many hours of time difference, and if I don’t
plan in advance I might suddenly discover that it is too late!
Those of you who read my post
about traveling and packing will not be surprised to hear that I have a
list of what to pack in the (specially designated) little Yom Tov tote bag I bring
to shul. My own holiday Machzor, obviously, but also a little book rest, so I can
comfortably prop it up in front of me instead of having to hold it the whole
time. Try it – it is very convenient. Tissues, because hopefully I will be
moved to tears; and a shawl, because the air conditioning can be ruthlessly
effective sometimes.
Then there is a certain thick, white,
fringed pillow case that I must remember to bring, in order to have something
to kneel on. Yes, usually I am the only woman prostrating myself, and I used to
be embarrassed about this, but it is such a dramatic, emotional thing to do
that I just can’t let “what are they going to think” stand in the way. And if
you know me at all, which by now you should, it must be eminently clear to you
that I would never dream of making do with a few paper towels beneath my knees,
like I see many men do. Perish the thought!
For Yom Kippur there must also be
something sweet-smelling, such as a pomander or a bottle of Eau de Cologne. Once,
a few years ago, I went to the shul of a certain close friend for Yom Kippur. She
had beseeched me to try it, promising that I would appreciate the heart-felt davening there. “I will save you a seat
next to me”, she promised. I came, and discovered that not only was my seat
reserved, but she had taken the time to prepare a number of pomanders for
scented reviving purposes, and had set aside one specially, just for me! Every
time I think about it I am touched by this lovely gesture of caring.
Last year I added a new item to
my packing list: a seat cushion. As everybody knows, after 4-5 hours, the benches
can get quite hard. Luckily, I already possessed a rectangular cushion, covered
in burgundy velvet. So synagogue-appropriate…
Then there is the Rosh Hashanah
food shopping of course – all the simanim
to symbolize the many blessings we need for the new year; the honey and an
extra-nice apple for dipping; the sheep’s head – grilled and delicious!.... glistening
pomegranate seeds… chicken soup with curlicues of fat… carrot tzimmes with sweet
potatoes and veal neck bones… and tongue, my once-a-year treat… mmm! My husband won’t eat tongue – he
is worried it might lick him back, or something. So fortunate for me – I get to
eat it all by myself.
I am telling you – without my Yom
Tov notes I would be completely lost.
“But what about your spiritual
preparation?” you are now saying, scratching your heads. Well, yes. It seems so
easy, doesn’t it? But WHEN, is the big question – WHEN am I supposed to
scrutinize my conscience and take stock of my soul? WHEN do I gather my
thoughts enough to realize what it means to make G-d the King of my universe?
The only thing I can say in my
defense is that I talk to Hashem about it every day – I thank him for bringing
me safely across the street; for keeping food in the stores – and providing me
with enough money to buy some of it; for getting me a coffee in the morning;
for helping me find those earrings I had misplaced; for getting me a parking space, and helping me park without causing damage and mayhem around me; and for inspiring me to
write these blog posts. And I thank Him fervently for my children – that they
are healthy and kind and bright like shining lights, and that the oldest one is talking to me again; and I thank
Him for the husband that He found me; and for my good health; and that He made
the world so beautiful and I am allowed to live in it and breathe and enjoy the
sunshine. I have never been a good davener,
but I talk to Him a lot, and I thank Him often. Does that count?
Of course I need to become a
better person – who doesn’t? I have my challenges, and I like to think I am
working on them, and occasionally I see a little bit of improvement, but it is
one of those uphill things. But there is always the chance of a break-through! Hopefully,
this year will be the one – the year of great strides, of enlightened souls, of
jubilation and salvation, for each one of us individually, and for the
entire K’lal Yisroel!
Kesivah Vechasimah Tovah!
Shalom Uv’racha!
Shulamit 
So cute!
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